The Smartest Man Alive
(c) 2003 by Jim Stringer

I've lived by cheap excuses
And convenient alibis
If I could learn from my mistakes
I'd be the smartest man alive
So I dropped into a crowded bar
There was barely room for movement
But as I've heard it said, there's always room
For self improvement.

To keep track of the numbers
as I sat down to think
For each mistake, one Lonestar Beer
That someone had to drink
I assumed that responsibility
And though that place was buzzin'
As I though about my past mistakes,
Then and there, I made a dozen.

Mistake number one, now I realize
Was walkin' in that door
Two: I lost track of time
An hour turned into four.
Three was countin' bottles,
I should'a just used my fingers...
So four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten...
Eleven... twelve...
Those, I can't remember.

I should count my blessings
As I stumbled to the car
That I'm not one to drink and drive
So I slept outside the bar.
Next day, the bos was mad, make no mistake
Now I've got more time for fishin'
It wasn't that I showed up drunk,
No, I only turned up missin'.

Mistake number one, now I realize
Was walkin' in that door
Two: I lost track of time
An hour turned into four.
Three was countin' bottles,
I should'a just used my fingers...
So four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten...
Eleven... twelve...
Those, I can't remember.